Perimenopause, Menopause and Midlife: Where Did She Go?

Perimenopause. Menopause. Midlife. Three words that can stop a woman in her tracks - because so much changes in our bodies on a biological level that it’s no wonder we’re left with overwhelm and a very real sense of “where the hell did I go?” And who, exactly, installed this midlife belly overnight?

So, we start looking for answers. Everywhere. Social media, magazines, friends, the news, our medical practitioners. Solutions for better sleep, weight loss, aches and pains, a healthier lifestyle. What we need to do at the gym, what we need to eat, what we should be wearing, what hairstyle suits us now. It's overwhelming.

And there is no judgement in any of that searching. What matters deeply to one woman might be at the very bottom of another's list. Whether her choices are medical, cosmetic, nutritional, or simply how she shows up in the world every day - those decisions are entirely hers to make. Full stop.

What I would love to see more of, though, is us affording each other a little less of the critical eye. The world right now has encouraged so much judgement of others, and it’s heartbreaking to witness. We are all unique. We all have our own story that has led us to exactly where we are today. Not one woman is the same - by way of physique, by way of hormones, by way of how she shows up for the world, and by what she has carried over the years.

What if we extended to each other the same compassion we’re desperately trying to find

for ourselves?

Because we already have enough external pressure coming at us daily - even more so in midlife. Growing kids, some leaving home. Elderly parents. Questions about where we are in our careers. Bodies that feel unfamiliar. And underneath all of it, a quiet but powerful knowing that we want this next chapter to count. We want to be our best selves. A fabulous 2.0 version.

And I include myself in every word of this - I've been there and still have my moments.

We start things with the very best intentions. We feel motivated. We’re going to get healthier, fitter, finally get back into that pair of jeans that’s been lurking at the back of the wardrobe - you know the ones. And then… it peters out. And the shame spiral begins. Everything we do feels like it’s not working, and we tell ourselves we’re a failure.

I can totally relate to this.

You are not a failure. You are not hopeless with willpower. What’s happening is something far stronger than willpower. And I’d like to introduce you to it.

Your subconscious mind.

This is what underpins pretty much everything - how we show up in the world, our beliefs, our thought patterns, our behaviours. Many of these were shaped in our formative years. Some are inherited beliefs passed down through generations, not through malice, but simply through the belief structures of those who came before us. Some we have shaped through experiences through our life.

And the primary job of the subconscious? To keep you safe.

So, here’s what happens. You tried the gym before. Started strong, then it faded. You beat yourself up. And in doing so, you solidified a belief: I can’t stick at things. I’ll ultimately fail. So the next time you try - and you feel good, this time you’re going to crack it - that subconscious pattern fights back. And before long, you find yourself back in the same place, feeling like a failure all over again.

This plays out across so many areas of midlife. The things we’re trying to improve so that we have independence, strength and good health as we get older. We genuinely want to give our future selves the best chance. But our beliefs get in the way, and so often, those beliefs are tied directly to our identity.

Layer on top of that our cortisol - our stress hormone - and a nervous system stuck in near-constant fight-or-flight, and it’s no wonder there are millions of women around the world searching for that one answer. The one thing that will make it all okay again. A magic wand.

No, I'm no magician, and I'd never claim to be. But what I can offer is something that often gets overlooked - not because women aren't looking hard enough, but because nobody ever really explained it to them. They've been focused on the symptoms, when the real answer runs a little deeper, and it does feel quite magical when you start to get curious about yourself.

The missing piece is working with your subconscious mind.

It’s reframing the thoughts, the beliefs, the patterns - and gently disassociating the ones that no longer serve you from your identity. Because they are not you. They are patterns. And patterns can change.

When you start doing this work, something shifts. Creating healthier eating habits becomes easier. Prioritising movement, not as punishment, but as a gift to your independence and a genuine release for stress, starts to feel natural. You beat yourself up less, because you learn that you are not your thoughts. You observe them. You move their energy toward something positive, and that in itself helps lower stress and bring cortisol down.

You learn to give yourself permission - to love yourself, to prioritise your own nourishment, to be still, to ground yourself. And suddenly, moving into your 2.0 version isn’t just possible. It’s actually happening.

So, before you beat yourself up one more time, or wait for a magician who isn’t coming, know this: the ability is already inside you, it always has been. Get curious. Start exploring those beliefs, those patterns, and how they’ve shaped your identity. Just simply for the moment observe them, write them down.

You might just find that this is the missing piece of the puzzle that unlocks everything else you need to be your very best self.

If this resonated and you're ready to start rewriting the story, I'd love to connect. Book a free 15 minute 'Let's Chat' call - let's have a friendly, no-pressure conversation and figure it out together. No pitch. Just two women talking about what would help you most. I work with women worldwide, so availability will show in your own time zone.

Or dive straight into my book The Midlife Relief Kit. Available on Amazon worldwide. This is a great starting point to see what's possible. Grab your copy here.

And if you know a woman who needs to read this today - please share it with her. That’s how we lift each other up.